


Voluntary Madness

by sharkie335



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drunkenness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-21
Updated: 2010-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 01:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/119531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkie335/pseuds/sharkie335
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney had never been drunk</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voluntary Madness

**Author's Note:**

> Credit goes to greyloch for coming up with Rodney's superpower, and to ladycat777 for the beta.
> 
> Written for the sga flashfic challenge: superpowers

Rodney had never been drunk.

Oh, it wasn't that he hadn't _tried_ to get drunk. He had. He just... didn't seem able to absorb the alcohol. He'd actually paid off a semester of grad school by winning bets about whether or not he could be drunk under the table. At the end of the night, he was always left standing.

He'd thought about using his power for evil - taking advantage of some drunk coed, for example - but in the end, he'd just given up drinking as a bad bet and gone on to other things.

That was until Colonel John I've-Never-Met-A-Space-Floozy-I-Didn't-LIke Sheppard decided that they had to all honor the H'lythri's goddess rituals. Apparently this involved drinking lots and lots of dark, heavy beer. As the evening continued, out came a grain alcohol that was similar to whiskey, and shot after shot was poured.

Teyla gave up relatively early in the evening, grimacing at the way Ronon and John were tossing back the beer as if were water. Rodney drank slower, not because he was worried about getting drunk but because he didn't care for the taste, and he caught Teyla eyeing them with distaste. "I'll get them home, Teyla," he promised, only to have her grin at him.

"And who is going to carry you, Doctor McKay?" She looked fairly certain that he was going to end up under the table, but Rodney had long since learned that there was no point protesting. The only way to get people to believe him was to drink what was put in front of him and still be able to walk at the end of the evening.

Two hours later, Ronon was clearly well on the way to sloshed, looping one arm around Sheppard's neck and gesturing wildly with the other. Sheppard wasn't much better, almost toppling over as Ronon clipped the top of his head, only recovering his feet due to those insanely good flyboy reflexes. Rodney sighed and sat down the whiskey wanna-be. The taste had actually started to grow on him, like a mold.

"Come on, you two. Time for beddy-bye."

"Rodney!" Sheppard twisted loose from Ronon, almost overbalancing in the process, and tried to grab Rodney, who ducked. "Rodney, you should have some more of this m'tab stuff. It'll put hair on your chest!"

"I've had plenty, Colonel. And more importantly, you've had too much. It's time to go back to the nice tent and go to sleep, because you're going to wake up with a hell of a hangover."

Ronon just ingored him, pouring another shot and slinging it back. Rodney sighed. It was going to be a very long night. Sheppard actually looked at him pitifully till he slammed back another shot as well, wincing at the burn.

Eventually, he managed to coax the two of them back to camp, using a half full bottle of m'tab to tempt them. "Come on, come on," he muttered under his breath, frustrated. He'd thought that he'd been done with getting drunks back to their rooms when he'd gotten his doctorates, but here he was again, getting a couple of drunks back to their tent.

Teyla was at the door to the tent she shared with Ronon, watching with amusement, when Rodney handed her the bottle and said, "There. One Ronon, returned with all parts intact. He's your problem now."

She seemed surprised by the lack of slurring in his speech. "Didn't you?" She held up the bottle, as if by example. She looked truly puzzled, and when Rodney thought about the amount of alcohol he'd drunk before she left, he wasn't really surprised. She'd probably assumed that she'd have to wrestle _three_ drunks to bed tonight, and one less was a surprise.

"Yes, I did, and no, I'm not drunk." Sheppard was half leaning on Rodney, and who knew that someone that skinny could be that _heavy_? "Now, if you don't mind, I need to get the Colonel lying down before he _permanently_ damages my spine."

"Yes, that would be good. Ronon - " Just then, sounds of snoring came from inside the tent, and Rodney grinned. Teyla just continued as if nothing was happening. "- will be fine, come morning."

"No, he won't be - he'll be completely hung over, but he'll be in one piece, is what I think you meant to say, Teyla."

She smiled and ducked back inside the tent, leaving Rodney to manhandle Sheppard back to their tent. "Come on, you big..." he grunted out, frustrated at the way Sheppard seemed to be gaining weight.

"Rod-ney," John sing-songed, "Rodney, Rodney, Rodney. Have I mentioned that I like you, Rodney?"

"Of course you like me, Colonel. Who wouldn't?" Rodney grunted, switching up his hold on Sheppard so that he could get a better grip before Sheppard fell on his face.

"No, I mean I _really_ like you," Sheppard slurred right as Rodney finally reached his bedroll and let him slip down to sit on it. The look on his face was one of mild confusion, as if he wasn't quite sure how he got there.

Of _course_ Sheppard would be that kind of drunk. Inappropriate affection, ahoy! Rodney grimaced. If only he didn't have a crush on Sheppard, he could almost find this funny. "I know, Colonel. It's time to sleep, now."

"But Rod-ney, I want to do more than sleep."

"You're drunk, Colonel. Tell me in the morning, if you're not busy hurling up your shoes." Rodney settled on his own bedroll, lying down and closing his eyes. One time, he'd like to actually feel the effects of drinking. It would be the only way that he would have let himself take advantage of Sheppard's confession. Instead, he was crawling into his lonely bedroll, with nothing but his own self control as company.

Sheppard was singing softly to himself, too quietly for Rodney to hear the words. Gradually, the sound sent Rodney off to sleep.

***

It took two days for Ronon and Sheppard to get over their hangovers. Rodney made no effort to hide his amusement at their predicament, especially when it turned out that gate travel made Ronon turn green and grip at the back of the seat. Sheppard had actually gotten mad at Rodney for _not_ being hungover, asking how it was possible when Rodney had drunk almost as much as they had.

"Must just have a better head for alcohol than you two," had been Rodney's answer. Anything more was too complicated to explain.

Sheppard's face had turned an interesting color, and Rodney halfway expected him to lose his temper. Instead, he took a deep breath. When he'd let it out, he asked, "Did I, you know, say or do anything, well, inappropriate?"

Rodney thought about Sheppard saying, "I _really_ like you." Then he thought about the possible repercussions of getting involved with Sheppard, and decided that discretion was the better part of valor. "No, nothing inappropriate, Colonel."

Sheppard's face fell, and he said, "Really? I thought I - Well, good. We definitely need to test out how much alcohol you can drink, you know? It might come in handy some time."

Rodney agreed, and then walked away, hoping that one day, this would get easier.

But knowing it never would.

Only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Rodney? Thank you, you know, for, uh - "

"Saving you from the perils of alcohol poisoning? All in the name of keeping the team's good name intact, I assure you, Colonel." Shrugging the hand away - it felt _way_ too good there on his shoulder - he stepped off again. "I need to get back to the lab."

Sheppard fell into step with him, keeping pace easily. "You know if I said anything, I won't be mad if you tell me."

"You _didn't_ ," Rodney tried to insist, but he somehow knew that Sheppard didn't believe him.

"You're a lousy liar, McKay. Normally I can't get you to shut up, but right now you're trying to run away. Just tell me all ready!"

Rodney turned and faced Sheppard head on. "Fine. You said that you liked me. I was trying to save your dignity, but you seemed determined to humiliate us both by making me repeat it. There you go."

"But I _do_ like you, Rodney. Why is that embarrassing?"

Covering his face with his hands, Rodney sighed. "You said you _really_ liked me, Colonel."

The change in inflection seemed to get Sheppard's attention, and he stood opening and shutting his mouth for several moments. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Now, can I go or do I need to embarrass us both some more?"

Sheppard didn't say anything for what seemed like an eternity, then he leaned forward and kissed Rodney. It was nothing more than a quick brush of lip to lip, but it left Rodney speechless. "You can go." And this time it was Sheppard who turned to leave.

Rodney didn't know what to do at first. Then he followed.


End file.
